Trickle In
by samirant
Summary: Somewhere along the way, Dick stopped feeling anything at all. Written originally after the Season 2 finale.


A/N: Another one of my LJ transfers. This was originally written after Beaver's death in Season 2. There are two more pieces in this AU setting, but they are (_very_) much more light-hearteded and focus on how Mac moves on. As always, if you have a thought, please review.

Trickle In

Things like this sounded and looked better in his head.

It was like when his dad first brought Kendall home and the first thing Dick's mind raced to was how she would look like without any clothes. He was answered in a matter of days, at the expense of seeing her on top of his equally-naked father. It'd taken weeks to get rid of the image.

The lesson was soon completely forgotten, as things often went for him, so when someone burst into the party and excitedly – drunkenly – yelled that someone had jumped off the roof, Dick was _so there_.

While many people raced to the bottom floor, Dick, Klemmer and Enbom stumbled their way to an open room and hastily pushed the curtains aside. The red and blue lights of cop cars blinded them for a moment and they shoved at each other for a better look.

"Oh, fuck," Enbom whispered. He immediately turned and vomited onto the thick carpet.

It took Klemmer another moment, but then he was pulling at Dick's arm, urging him with grunts to get away from the window. Dick couldn't feel it; he thought there might still be someone in the room, but hell if he knew who it was.

"Dick. _Dick_. Get the hell away from the window."

The thoughts began to trickle in, so quietly that Dick wasn't entirely sure when they'd stopped in the first place. He recognized the pants and the jacket… it was red now, but it'd been that shitty brown color earlier, right?

But Beaver's eyes didn't bulge out like that. And there was something wrong with his head and his arms, they were bent-

It took both Klemmer and Enbom to bring him away from the window, but it was like he was still standing there, staring down at someone that looked a bit like his brother or someone his brother used to be.

Dick didn't remember much after that.

*****

He was numb for a long time. It didn't seem like just a week, but Kendall said so when she informed him that the police had released Beaver's body and sniffed out a suggestion that the least Dick could do was take a shower. Kendall didn't quite meet his eyes when she said it, but Dick barely heard her anyway.

They had him cremated, partly because Beaver had made a fucking mess of himself on the car and partly because no one in their right mind would have gone to the funeral. So a few days after Kendall played mommy with the decision, she showed up at Dick's bedroom door with a small silver urn in her hands.

She stared at him until he turned away from his video game for two seconds.

"What am I supposed to do with it?"

Dick gave her a rough shrug and looked back at the television.

"I guess it could go on top of the fireplace? Isn't that what people do?" Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Kendall hold it out from her body and inspect it. She shuddered slightly and looked a little sick.

"Yeah, Beaver on display. Good times." His voice sounded rough coming out and Dick paused to wonder at the last time he'd spoken. When he didn't say anything further, Kendall went out of sight, only to return a couple of minutes later empty-handed.

"I put it – him – in his room. For now," Kendall explained. "Next to his computer."

That sounded good to him.

*****

Klemmer and Enbom left messages, but they never came by. Logan showed up from time to time and, based on the fact that Kendall didn't take a shower after he left, Dick clued in that his friend was probably there to see him. It didn't matter, seeing as he never bothered to come downstairs or answer the door when Logan knocked on it.

Madison wouldn't answer his calls. He stopped trying when Logan sent him a link to an interview she'd given some fucking tabloid. One glance at her stupid, sad, fake face and the words 'Tell-All' was enough to convince him that maybe they were done for good.

Dick didn't bother trying to find Gia. Yeah, her dad had died the same night as his brother, but Mr. Goodman was the one who'd fucked around with Beav in the first place. Needless to say, he and Gia weren't meant to be pen pals over the summer, or ever, much less anything else.

His mom called from France and promised she'd be home soon, when the press died down, but even Dick knew better.

His dad? Fuck that.

The only call he even slightly paid attention to was the one from Mr. Wu, but that was only because the damn guy was relentless. Two times a day, ten days after Beaver died. Classes were starting soon, but he put on a real soft voice and said it was okay if Dick needed some time-

It was after the fifth time Dick hung up on him that Mr. Wu finally gave Kendall a try. There was a joke in there somewhere, but Dick couldn't be bothered to find it. She shut off the television and Dick was frogmarched to a brand new Mercedes; he wasn't sure where she'd gotten it, or how, but Kendall made some interesting noises getting him into the car and that was distracting enough.

He was dumped rather unceremoniously on school grounds and Dick only half-believed Kendall's statement that she would be back in a few hours for him. Going into the school didn't seem like a good idea, but it was the only idea, so in he went. People may have thought that he was ignoring their whispers or elbow nudging, but Dick honestly didn't see them. It was one foot in front of another, get to that damn classroom, sit in the back and wait for it all to be over. It had worked most of the summer so far.

Mr. Wu greeted him at the classroom doorway, but when Dick finally looked up, it was in the direction of the offices. As if on cue, Miss James walked out with Mac next to her and suddenly, somewhere in his chest, something _hurt_.

Mac froze in her tracks and stared at him; Dick stared back for all of two seconds before turning on his heel and getting the fuck out of there. When he got home, Dick started toward the computer but then veered off to where his surf board stood in the corner. Decision made within moments, he changed clothes, loaded up the car and was gone for hours.

At first he just sat on the beach and let his skin burn before cooling off in the water. Dick didn't see anyone he recognized, but that's because he'd gone miles out of the way from his usual spots. The waves were shitty at best, so mostly he just sat on his board and drifted for a long time.

*****

Shadows liked to jump out at him in the house when he was alone. It was happening more often than not, especially since Kendall must have found something new to tap and was away from the house more. Dick was glad for it, because all he heard from her these days was bitching over his refusing to go back to summer school. Like she cared.

Twenty days after Beaver died, Dick thought he saw his brother leaning against a wall in the hallway. A quick second glance showed a stack of luggage next to Kendall's bedroom door. Kendall came out, said she would be gone for a few days and motioned for Dick to help her pack the car.

He went back into his room and locked the door.

A couple of hours later there was a knock and Dick answered it mostly out of boredom, wondering what the hell Kendall wanted this time. He didn't expect to find Mac on the other side.

"Hey," she said shortly when Dick only stared at her.

Dick worked his jaw for a second, said "Beaver's next door" and then shut the door in her face.

That must have done the trick because she didn't knock again; it was another half hour, though, before Dick realized that he'd never heard Mac actually leave. The curiosity was enough to have him glance out in the hallway.

Light spilled out from Beaver's open doorway, the one that had stayed closed since Kendall had sent the kid to his room for the first and last time. Dick moved toward it with no idea of what he would find, but the sight of Mac sitting there with red eyes and staring hard at the urn fit as much as anything else.

When she saw him, Mac bowed her head and said, "It doesn't feel real."

For once, Dick actually agreed with her.

*****


End file.
